A divorce in 7 steps

When you and your partner decide to separate, it is advisable that you are informed about the manner in which the consequences of the divorce can and/or must be arranged.

Step 1 – To separate or not to separate?

Often one of the partners wants to separate, but sometimes this is a joint decision. We have learned from experience that it is advisable to discuss this with each other. We call this the divorce announcement. A lot of pain and misery can be prevented if you have discussed the reason why you actually want to separate with each other. This is because such a discussion will ensure that both partners can accept the pending divorce more easily. This gives you the feeling that you will separate together. You can already start now with the collection of documents that are necessary for the divorce. The better the documents are prepared and delivered – this means ordered and complete – the better this will be for the further progress of the divorce.

Step 2 – Collect personal details  

It is useful for the vFAS lawyer or mediator if you make a list of your personal details and the personal details of your partner and any children. Also, make a note of the marriage details: date and location of the wedding and note whether there is a notarial deed of a marriage contract. If that is not the case, we call this a community of property. Add the notarial deed of the marriage contract to the documents for the vFAS lawyer. Download the checklist so that you are certain that you have all information at hand.

Step 3 – Possessions and debts

Make a complete inventory of all possessions and debts for both of you and collect the documentary evidence of this. For example, the proof of title of the house/houses, the notarial mortgage deed and policies. Make sure you also make an inventory of the endowment insurance, annuity policies, investments, bank statements, savings accounts and bank accounts, motor vehicles and movable property (household effects). Collect at least the income tax returns of the previous years. Have you or your partner received any donation or inheritance, provided with an exclusion clause, also called a ‘clause precluding any claim by one spouse on assets accruing to the other spouse during the marriage’? If that is the case, collect all the documentary evidence of this and explain what has happened with the received funds. Have you received compensation for pain and suffering during the marriage, or is (was) there redundancy pay, or do other goods and debts exist which might have been attached to one of the partners in a special manner? If that is the case, we must investigate to what extent this does or does not fall in the community of property that is to be divided. You can sometimes claim allocation of such attached property, such as a share in your business, but you must settle the value of this. Collect all paperwork concerning this. 

Have you made an investment with private money in your joint home, for example with an inheritance provided with an exclusion clause? It is possible that a right to reimbursement exists in that case. Report this to your vFAS lawyer or mediator and collect all the documentary evidence.

Step 4 – Maintenance

Naturally, you will want to know what your financial situation will be after the divorce. It is possible that child maintenance or spousal maintenance must be paid. It is important in this respect that you collect the documentary evidence of the income and fixed outgoings of yourself and your partner. Your vFAS lawyer or mediator can tell you which documentary evidence is necessary to make the calculations. This is also the time to think about the future accommodation plans and the financial consequences of this; do you want to buy a house or do you want to rent? Or maybe you want to buy out your partner so that you will get the home in your name? 

Step 5 – Pension

The next step is the collection of documentary evidence of all pension rights that have been accrued by you and your partner. Collect all annual statements and all documentary evidence of pensions. Have you worked for several employers? Sometimes you will have accrued a pension with several pension insurers. Are you a director and major shareholder and have you accrued a self-administered pension? In that case collect the pension letter and the last statements that were used by the accountant for the annual report and accounts. 

You can consult www.mijnpensioenoverzicht.nl. for further information about pensions in the event of divorce. Or you can download the brochure ‘Splitting up’.

Step 6 – Parenting plan

Do you have children? If you do, a parenting plan must be submitted with the divorce petition. You must jointly record arrangements about the following in this parenting plan:

The manner in which the care and responsibility for a child’s upbringing will be divided and how the right and obligation of contact with the child will be arranged;
The manner in which you will provide information to each other and the manner in which you will consult with each other about important matters with regard to the person and the assets of the minor children;
The costs of the care and upbringing of the minor children. The children must be involved by the parents in the coming into effect of the parenting plan in a manner that is appropriate for the age and development of the children, in particular with regard to arrangements that directly concern them. This does not mean that you, as a parent, are always obliged to follow the preferences of your children; however, this does mean that you will include these preferences when drawing up the parenting plan.

The lawyer/mediator will discuss this with you during the preparation of the divorce, but it is advisable to already consider the manner in which you will deal with children together as parents after the divorce. You can download the model parenting plan of the Association of Family Lawyers and Divorce Mediators for the preparation of the discussion. This plan will be adjusted for each situation if necessary.

Step 7 – The continuation

The vFAS lawyer or mediator can help you through the pending divorce on the basis of the data collected by you. Whether you opt for a divorce each with his/her own lawyer, or for a divorce through mediation, you will always find a vFAS lawyer nearby.  